I just want to say before I start that this post is probably quite frustrating for me to write because in the interest of keeping this blog anonymous, I'll have to change names of places and people. It's going to be hard for you to understand exactly what I am trying to say here because what I'm about to talk about is one of my most precious and special memories ever and I'm not even able to talk about it properly! It will also be quite long, and again, for anonymity reasons I won't be able to include any photos, but please, read it and try to understand the experience that I had.
In the summer, I helped out at a children's Christian holiday club called Guidepost. It was, without a doubt, one of the most life changing weeks of my life and I came out of it, with so much more than I ever ever ever expected to when I went in.
The purpose of it is for children aged between 4 and 12 can come for a fun week of singing and dancing, craft, games, sport and learning about Jesus and God.
I went to it with two friends, Mylie and Greta. At the beginning of the week, I was a sound atheist, completely sure of my beliefs. It didn't matter too much because many of the helpers were atheists as well and as most of us are teenagers, I suppose it is what is expected.
When I got there on the first day (the prep and training on the Sunday before the actual start of the week) I was actually incredibly nervous. It had come to my attention by then that I have pretty mild social anxiety, but I do everything that I can to combat and fight this.
As it turned out, I actually knew quite a lot of people from school and some old friends that I hadn't seen since primary school, and of course I was there with my two amazing friends, Mylie and Greta, both of which helped me out so much throughout the week.
I mentioned earlier that one of the things that we do a lot at Guidepost is sing and dance and I was very nervous about this. I'm a pretty enthusiastic person and I like to throw my all into things and so when I couldn't do the dances properly because I didn't know them, it did upset me. But I'm quite a fast learner and by the end of the week I was doing some pretty awesome actions!
One of the most amazing things and the really individual things I think about Guidepost is that everything is done in tents in a huge field. The age groups all had different tents. The 4s and 5s were in a small tent called the Ark tent (that's where I was!). The 6s, 7s, 8s and 9s were all in the main tent, the 10s and 11s were in the 10s and 11s tent and the 12s were in the 12s tent. I wonder who dreamt that up! There is also the craft tent, the entry tent, the chapel tent, the drama tent, the quiet tent and the comfort tent (which had free biscuits!) There were also some more smaller tents that would take to long to list. By the end of the week I knew the layout like the back of my hand!
On Monday, I was just beginning to learn the dances, learn the songs, get to know the children, get to know everyone else. It was really hard, especially because I find social situations with lots of new people very difficult. On Tuesday, it was slightly easier, but I was still learning. Looking back, I think that Wednesday was a turning point because that was the first day that I went onto the stage to dance with Greta, even though we didn't know the dance! I don't actually remember much about Wednesday, but it was the day that I realised that at Guidepost, no one has any dignity whatsoever, but no one has any shame either. And it was amazing.
Like I said, I was an atheist at the beginning of the week. And by mid-week I had heard the stories told to the 5 year olds, but I had also heard some others. In the evenings at Guidepost, they put on little talks and activities for the helpers and teenagers in general, which were so much fun. We heard an amazing story from a Catholic Priest in training, which brought my friend Greta and I to tears. He said something that was really poignant to me and I'd like to share it with you. Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future. I think that even if you aren't religious at all, everybody can relate just a little bit to that.
I was beginning to feel really at home at Guidepost. Everyone was so lovely and the sense of community was absolutely immense. I was beginning to question my own beliefs. Although I didn't believe in God, I felt like I wanted to, just so that I could be apart of this fantastic community.
Thursday was my least favourite day at Guidepost, but the best day by far. I won't go into details as to why it was my least favourite day, but it was the evening that changed everything for me. I went with my friends like usual to the youth activity and they had invited a theatre group along to perform for us. What they did, it was absolutely outstanding. Once again Greta was brought to tears and I was very close. It was quite a common occurrence for us that week. But then the activity that we did was a Where's Wally treasure hunt around the town. I was in a group with Greta and Mylie, our two group leaders, our fellow assistant that we made friends with and another girl who we became very close to over the week. Most of the people in our group I hadn't known before, and I feel so blessed that I got to know all of them.
On the treasure hunt, I had the best time. I'm so unsporty and whenever I have been on a walk, no matter where I am going, no matter who I am with, there is always a part of me wishing for it to be over. I didn't think that once on this walk. There was one moment, where we were at the top of a hill and we could see the Guidepost field below us and we all decided to run down this hill. And we ran, full pelt. It was a beautiful summer evening, the moon was big and bright the sun was setting, the wind was in our hair... I have never felt as happy, as free, as blessed as I did at that moment.
I'll never be able to describe it properly, but that was the moment that I knew that I wanted to join the faith again.
Friday came and went all too quickly. At the end of the day when the children were all leaving, me and my friends (old and new) all jumped on stage and danced to a song - there wasn't a single doubt or worry for me about how I looked, or whether I was doing it right, or what everyone else thought of me... I was happy. Although, all the children leaving were saying that they couldn't wait for tomorrow, and I had to explain that it was over. It literally broke my heart.
After the final reflect session there was the traditional Guidepost water fight, which was so much fun, despite having a bucket tipped over my head!
In the evening, I went back for my last youth group session and we were at the Oscars. The leader of the youth group had insisted that we all dressed up, and so there we were in posh dresses sitting on the floor of a tent. It was great fun (my team came second in the treasure hunt by one point - just saying!). The best bit was when we all had a gigantic group hug and I was right in the middle of it. Around 50 teenagers who had all been complete strangers all the beginning of the week (and for the most part, still were complete strangers) all huddled together, celebrating Guidepost. Not to sound too cheesy, but that moment and that feeling was infinite. I'll never forget it.
I learnt so much at Guidepost, more than any of the children. I gained confidence, friends, but most of all, I regained my faith and I haven't ever been happier. It was absolutely indescribable.
I will never be able to thank everyone at Guidepost enough. I'll never be able to show them what they did for me. But I pray, right from the bottom of my heart, that they might someday know just what they did for me.
Guidepost changed my life. I wrote down everything that happened so that I wouldn't ever forget any of it. I am so so so grateful, more than words can say.
When I was younger it always used to upset me because I'd hear tales of everyone else out having fun, being given sweets and I would be at home not doing any of that. I always felt like I missed out on something.
I personally think that the notion of getting dressed up and going out to scare people, decorating your home with spiders and pumpkins is a little ridiculous. It is really just something that we have all been brainwashed into spending huge amounts of money on.
And we're going to watch Strictly Come Dancing.
