Feel the fear, and do it anyway

Today in school I did something that was really difficult for me. In English, we were practising out speaking and listening, which basically entailed doing a speech.

I really wasn't looking forward to it, because having to get up in front of your peers, people who you see every day but aren't really close with is one of the most frightening things ever.

However, I prepared my speech, and practiced it a lot at home. I know that eye contact is key is a good speech, so I practiced in front of a mirror, making sure I was keeping my head up. I also had to practice slowing down my speech (which tends to become a bit like a high speed train when I get going) and emphasizing the important words.

But still, when I was in the lesson, I was terrified. I was counting down the people until it was my turn, and then suddenly there was just one person in front of me. But then she hurried off to the school nurse, feeling ill, so it was my turn.

The whole time that I had been sitting, listening to everybody else, I had been preparing myself. I could feel the fear in my stomach, and hear it in my ears. But then I realized that I could be as frightened as I was about it, it wouldn't matter. I would still have to do it. The difference would be whether I would do it well, or whether I would completely mess it up.

Trying to block out the fear didn't work, it just made me feel worse. Trying to forget about it only made it more prominent. So I just decided to embrace it with all my might.

And what I found was that even though it was still there, it changed. It became adrenaline instead, and I just wanted to get it done.

When I was walking up to the front, I was shaking, and I continued to shake the whole way through.

But do you know what? I did it, and I think I did it quite well. I looked into the audience, but didn't really see them, and didn't allow them to put me off. I kept my focus the whole way through, and finished it smiling.

And once it was over, it was over! I hadn't put it off, I hadn't wimped out, I had done it, and it was over and I didn't have to worry or stress or fear it anymore.

It taught me something though. I learnt that fear can kind of be a friend. It spurs you on, exhilarates you and makes you do things better than you expected. So next time I'm afraid, I won't try to get rid of the feelings, I'm going to feel the fear and do it anyway.